Cracking Open the Shell and Peering Inside

This fall was a fabulous time to work on new projects, grow with lessons on balance and time management, and personal growth. As we approach the winter, we are both stepping back to reflect on our year and gearing up for an exciting launch of our book Ink in the Wheels: Stories to Make Love Roll, in February 2013.

After a much needed vacation in Hawaii, we both got back to work. For a time, I took on a new role, growing and working in ways that I had not done before. I was thrilled to be stepping into writing and editing, and project management.

And yet, our manuscript was taking us into a different space, one that would focus on completing our story. Every weekend, we went to the coffee shop or cuddled on the couch and hashed out edits, rewrites and revisions.

Our editor asked us for several chapter re-writes, to go deeper, write more dialogue, to tell our story as it is. It is a huge risk, to put so much of ourselves out there.

Admittedly, we put off writing the most dramatic chapters until last. Neither one of us was in that deep and dark place anymore, and going back there was something neither one of us wanted to do. We knew, though, that in order to tell our story, we needed to surrender, revisiting these places.

What I found was another layer of healing, looking at different perspectives, looking at how we made it through these places, and telling our story so that there is a fullness and spherical depth.

The scariest part, to me, was the moment we pressed the send button to let our immediate family members read the entire manuscript, and to approve the sections where we mentioned them.

At one point, Barton asked, “Am I letting your father down when he reads Losing the Way?”

And I was terrified of what anyone thought, period. I know not everyone would agree with what we had written. Every single family member would have a completely different story from their own eyes. Would they be able to see it through ours? What if everyone pulled out? What kind of a story would we have if we couldn’t fully express it?

Though not all of our family members wanted their sections to be in the manuscript, which we completely respect, what we found was that for the most part, our families were supportive of what we share about our lives together. Speaking to my father, he was truly touched by our story, and I think it gave more insight into our relationship.

And, while we are putting the polishing touches on the manuscript, our families have been deeply touched by sharing our story with them. And we hope this is what others will find.

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In the Midst of Change

We’ve had a busy few months! After getting home from Hawaii, both Barton and I went into work overdrive, partially to try to deal all of the house repair we’ve had this summer (from the foundation of our house, air conditioner and our water heater breaking). We’ve had some major overhaul of our work, and the time of writing and editing our manuscript has taken nearly taken up every weekend.

In the midst of changing schedules, workloads and new responsibilities, we’ve been hard pressed to find any down time. And yet downtime has been so important to keep us going, so we can come back and be ever more focused.

We try to have one day each weekend as a crash day, and I’ve tried to be more forgiving when I don’t get all of the work done over the weekend. I’ve had to let go of having everything be perfect all of the time.

But what really helps us is making sure we stay connected. On Friday nights, we go out- I ride in Barton’s lap as we go to a nearby restaurant, and afterwards we watch a band play at a local music night.  It becomes a way to end the week, and a time for us to reconnect without all of the conversations purely about logistics, work or the book. We try to finish all of the half-conversations we’ve had during the week, process all the new changes and dream about what’s coming up ahead.

Over the past few years, we both have worked on refining parts of ourselves that needed to be cared for. For example, one childhood pattern that I had fallen into was anytime I felt scared, about anything- even something positive, it would express itself as frustration. And it impacted Barton & I in that anytime I was faced with something I didn’t know, resistance would pop up. Of course Barton would react to that, and then we’d have a cycle going, no fun.

Looking at the emotions behind frustration or resistance, and working on the ability to show the genuine emotion more, then Barton can come in, and we can work from a place of trust rather than bouncing off each other. Barton has done the same thing in looking at difference places within himself.

By caring for ourselves individually, we can come together better as a couple. We don’t have it figured out all of the time, but coming from a place of vulnerability creates trust and respect, and we have found it leads to a deeper love and laughter that makes life much more fun!

This past weekend, while we didn’t edit the book, we did take time to reconnect as a couple, something we really needed. And then, we go back into the fray, with new challenges for the week, but also a vision that somehow makes it all flow.

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A Vacation in Paradise

Helicopter ride over the volcano, as if we don't already have enough adventure. It was a blast!

Helicopter ride over the volcano, as if we don’t already have enough adventure. It was a blast!

We’ve received many questions about our trip to HI- where did we visit, why did we go, how did we get around, is Hawaii accessible? When we found out that Barton’s uncle passed away earlier this year, we knew there was talk of a family reunion in Hawaii. We had dreams of lazing by the ocean sipping Pina Coladas and Margaritas. However, when we found out that Barton’s contract would be frozen and with all of the uncertainty that goes along with that, we put off our dreams. We assumed we would either know if his contract was being renewed and be celebrating or if we would be closing up our house and finding another way of life.

Yet, the uncertainty remained as Barton’s contract was extended for a few more months, but not yet fully renewed either. In the mean time, we put our feet to work to discover new work opportunities. So our focus shifted from a full vacation or what we expected the summer to look like to family sustainability.

Barton’s family hosted us for an amazing week of adventure, renewal and relaxation, and one of Barton’s best buddies hosted us for two weekends in Honolulu also full of fun and adventure. We are so appreciative of our family and friends who gave us the time we needed to step back, take a breath of fresh air and relax.

With all of the external craziness we experienced with finding new work, a major house repair, losing AC and Barton’s 24-hour bug, we literally packed the day before we left. As exhausted as we were, we were still too excited to sleep on the plane.

Barton and Megan at Pearl Harbor.

Barton and Megan at Pearl Harbor.

As soon as we arrived, we were met with lays, beautiful and fitting for each of us. The next day we went to Pearl Harbor, so close to July 4th, it was a day of honoring those who served our country and lost their lives. Both Barton and I were deeply moved. Later, we enjoyed meeting new friends and hanging out.

We also visited the Veterans Memorial on Punchbowl. We found the elevator wouldn’t work to go to the top of the memorial. Grounds staff came, and an amazing thing happened. While they couldn’t fix the elevator, they took us all over the grounds in their golf cart. It was an amazing gesture, and over and over we would talk about how gracious their staff was to us.

Chilling by the Pool.

Chilling by the Pool.

On the Island of Hawaii (the Big Island) we spent time with family, a memorial service on the water, relaxing by the pool, laughing and telling stories over dinner. We did find that the property on the resort was so big that we did have to walk quite a long ways from one place to another. So it wasn’t as accessible as we would have liked. It took us until mid-week to really decompress from all of the mayhem that we had left behind at home.

At the Summit.

At the Summit.

One day, we took a helicopter ride over the East Ridge of one of the only active volcanoes in Hawaii. At the summit, a rainbow appeared beside the crest with steaming smoke. Both of us were so excited.

Arriving back in Honolulu, we had a completely different experience, equally fabulous, walking the streets in Waikiki, a drive to the north shore beaches, the best food and pastries one could ever ask for. It was a weekend of pure indulgence and delight.

Sadly, the day before we left our trainer called to let us know Basho, one of our dogs had died naturally during our vacation. The ride home was one of sorrow, and sleep. And yet, we were still marveling at the adventures we had had while we were away.

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Uncovering Opportunity Amidst Life’s Messes

Last week, Megan recounted my recent experience with local police & EMS, and those oh so well intentioned folks who inadvertently caused unneccessary mayhem while doing their best to help. In the days since, I have spent countless hours processing and attempting to make sense out of conflicting perspectives on what transpired, many of which exist purely internally.

While I am reconciling my emotions, I have had the opportunity to speak with a member of the EMS team in order to understand the point from which they were orienting from during last week’s events.

Through this conversation, it’s become apparent to me that there was confusion and misunderstanding on all sides in many ways, and in many ways, the EMS who were on the scene did the best they could.

Yet, from a personal perspective, it felt as though that during the intent to disengage my wheelchair, it felt like they were inadvertantly taking my power. As it was only after an hour of attempting to communicate that I needed no help, that I gave in. There’s such a fine line.

I gave in because I was at an impass, but I did not give permission to disengage my chair nor would they let me drive independently.

During the conversation with the supervisor, we came upon a mutual understanding, the result of which was an invitation to serve as a resource and to explore opportunities to collaborate, going out into the community in refining their understanding and practices of assisting people with disabilities.

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