Morning Walks and Reflections on Self Care

Posted on December 9, 2012 by loverollson
Love & support brings us together.

Love & support brings us together.

Every morning, I get up early and walk our dog, Bear. Now that it’s winter, it’s typically in the dark.

I typically love these walks because it provides some time that’s on my own, where I reflect on the day, issues that I am working through or what I am thankful for. I also have this feeling when I swim, it’s a nice flow where everything drifts away, and there’s time where reflections move as my body moves.

Having this time is critical for my day. Every other moment is filled with work projects, household to do items, or things that Barton may need. I have been known to put myself last, putting everyone else’s needs first.

Barton is constantly getting on me to take care of myself, take time to rest, to exercise, or just time to take care of my own needs. But I have to give myself permission to take time away, which is difficult when I see so many other things I could be doing.

Most women are like this, and most caregivers are as well. When we see a need, we jump in to take care of it.

But over the years, I’ve found it’s critical to walk every morning, to find time for a swim, to journal or have an afternoon away from everything. And it’s also critical for me to step back. Barton can figure things out for himself without my jumping in at the slightest request.

It’s a balance that’s difficult to maintain, and inevitably I sway too much one way or another. And when I notice I forget my morning walks or I haven’t swam in a month, I have to make an effort to put them back into my day.

This morning, my walk was after a gentle rain, and as the sun rose, the mist lifted from damp streets. And I felt alive.

~Megan

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Thanksgiving Reunions

Posted on December 2, 2012 by loverollson

Well, here we are, three days after Thanksgiving and still feeling gorged from all that wonderful food.

This year, Megan and I took a break from a very intense period of working on our book from dawn to dust each weekend to travel northward to our friend’s place in Maryland where each year they open their home to a large contingency of our closest friends, all of whom train with us in the martial arts. It has been several years since we had the opportunity to join this group for Thanksgiving meal. And I found that the years away made the reunion extra special for both Megan and I.

While we were only up there for three days total, it felt like our time among these chosen family was truly a vacation from the madness that had been our life and our work for more than the past year.

And along with the 20 other friends with whom we shared our company, we also found that there was the space within this relaxation to listen and learn from the stories of service and shared experiences that were all enjoyed around the Thanksgiving table.

Perhaps one of the best parts of this weekend, aside from the overall opportunity to laugh and tell stories with some of our dearest friends, was the opportunity to reconnect with a very close mentor who I had not seen in nearly seven years. Both Megan & I had suspected before going up that she might be there for the holiday meal. Despite the fact that we keep tabs on each other from a distance via FB, neither Megan or I were certain if she would be there.

Thanksgiving morning, I sat in the front parlor of our friend’s house engaging in some obscure conversation about the nature of humanity with several of our friends when I glanced out the window to see a distinctly familiar jeep pulling a U-turn and coming to rest in front of the house. I immediately knew from the outline of the figure in the driver’s seat who it was. And giggled with delight as I watched her come toward the driveway.

Megan watched the door and the two of us smiled at each other while we waited to our friend enter. As she entered, I sat with my back toward the front door, continued to engage in the discussion at hand. But as I talked, her expression turned in my direction, and I burst out laughing knowing that Megan and I had surprised her.

After the tears of an extended welcome came to rest, we had a delightful conversation catching up over the past seven years, and by the time we finished our exchange, it was nearly the evening.

While we talked for those few hours, it was clear that our connection had never been lost, and while the time spent out of touch had changed aspects of who we are, coming back together brought forth an experience of remembering the truth of who we are could stay connected despite time and distance.

This indeed, is what I am truly thankful for this season and look forward for the years to come in which reconnected may continue for us as well as for others.

~Barton

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Walking in Gratitude

Posted on December 2, 2012 by loverollson

This Thanksgiving we travelled up to Maryland, and ate way too much with friends and family. We saw friends that we had not seen in a long time, and we were met with full embraces as we prepared the Thanksgiving meal.

Now that Thanksgiving has settled down, coming from a place of gratitude grounds me, even if there is chaos going on all around. Coming back to appreciate the very basics of where we are in our lives.

No, we don’t know what the next day will bring, or the next year. We could be elated by success, crestfallen with disappointment, nervous with unknowing. Remembering how many blessings have come into our lives keeps me moving steady. And I find myself being grateful not only for those who have supported us along the way but also for those who have pushed and stretched us, who have made us go further than we ever thought possible because we are better only because we have been challenged to go beyond what we thought is possible.

Over the Thanksgiving holidays, I reflected on the amazing leaders in our communities who have just made phenomenal change in our community from writers, teachers, community leaders, those who serve in the military or who care for those who are sick and in need of love. And for many who go unnoticed.

And while we returned to the craziness of work, schedule and our daily lives, I find myself smiling more, letting go more, and looking to the journey ahead so thankful for the steps that have led here.

~Megan

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Turning the Page and Feeling Carried by Life’s Momentum

Posted on November 18, 2012 by loverollson

What a crazy week it has been. We have just returned from the mountains for a conference of mine. And amidst our work on a variety of our normal contracts while we were there, Megan and I have both been hurling through our list of items to complete before the book is released.

Yes, for those who might not know, the actual book is done and it’s on schedule to be released in February.  And even though the writing is done, we are still scrambling to prepare everything that needs to be completed before we are ready to start selling. The actual text of the book is in the hands of our designer undergoing interior layout in preparation for the printer. But as we wait for her to get the formatting complete, we are moving forward in a number of other areas, most importantly completing a website specific to the book itself, completing our book trailer and preparing for the release event, not to mention organizing the financial aspects of book sales, learning about taxes, and organizing ourselves for each of those components.

What has been interesting to me over the last month and more specifically the last week has been the ways Megan and I find ourselves engaging with the work around the book, compared to our action around other projects. Even the most mundane of tasks for the book has flowed from our actions with grace and naturalness, even if it is a topic area where we are often uncomfortable.

In comparison, the times that we have had to focus our efforts on other projects to make sure that our other areas of emphasis are not lost in the midst have been the most daunting they’ve ever seemed. Both of us have found great resistance to completing them. Indeed, our passion and love has become increasingly more focused around the book itself, and the work that we will hopefully be able to do as a result of its publication. We also noticed that the more energy and commitment we apply to it, the further it can grow and impact a wider and wider audience.

The question for us is, there are only so many hours in a day, and while we would love to dedicate all of them to efforts on the book, we do have to meet our other obligations. How then, do we maintain the same excitement and vigor for these other projects that, while they may not be entirely out of our vision or mission are not the central focus of where we need to be going? For me, it has been to acknowledge the purpose that they do serve, providing a basic income, allowing us to put food on the table and supporting us to move toward the bigger picture even in the slightest way, always knowing the central effort needs to remain in clear focus of the vision itself.

As you know, it has been quite some time since I last posted on this blog, and now that the main writing portion of the book has been fulfilled, I trust that my voice will have a stronger presence once again, bringing you the latest insights that we continually seem to find ourselves in.

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Foibles, Mistakes and Failures

Posted on November 18, 2012 by loverollson

This week was not my most impeccable week, not by a long shot. It took me by surprise because I was so excited about many things, the book coming together, work projects moving along, getting back to writing, and finally some moments to take care of my own needs.

Work in the yard needed to be done for a long time. I could see the front bushes sticking out above the roofline. I thought I would be able to tackle the front yard in the morning, and the back yard in the afternoon. Three hours later, it looked like I had hardly made a dent in trimming the bushes in the front.

My arms ached, and my back hurt as I stood on the ladder reaching as far as I could with the clippers. I huffed and puffed, my ego getting the best of me. This wave of frustration rolled over. Why was I spending all day cutting the bushes when there was so much other stuff I could be doing? Remnants still remain scattered on the ground.

The week did not get much better. At lunch after a conference where Barton was working, I reached down to clean my glasses with the edge of my shirt, and they snapped in half. I slipped the broken pieces in Barton’s pocket, and we laughed about it, but all I could think about was, how were we going to make the four-hour drive home?

I was so embarrassed as hotel staff worked with tape and glue to help me, even the chief engineer at the hotel worked on them to glue my glasses back together, a process that took several hours. Not only could I have died with embarrassment, but I had also lost my workday, with some deadlines that needed to be taken care of – and there was NOTHING I could do.

Barton has this uncanny ability to laugh at the most ridiculous events in life. And throughout the time I have known Barton, crazy things have happened, but to him, they are a part of the richness of life. Laughing at the silliness of whatever the event is brings with it a freedom to move through it.

For me, not so much. The process of letting go of my expectation to be perfect is equivalent to yanking a tooth from a dinosaur. And the times of the most growth is when I want to hang on for dear life. I so thank Barton for teaching me that instead of wasting time beating myself up or worrying, it is so much easier to let it all go, doing the best I can, and being patient with me during this process.

We learn by our mistakes, we grow through our failures, and we live through all the foibles of our everyday lives. For the most part, our lives are filled with joy, excitement and satisfaction. And the rest, well, it is what is it.

So, at the moment, my nickname is Murkel, until the glue and tape comes off my glasses, that is.

~Megan

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