My father came up to Raleigh for a visit this weekend, and you might wonder, what’s so important about that? The relationship with my father has changed significantly over the past few years, though because of limiting travel over the last few years, we haven’t seen each other as much.
I remember being so nervous about what my father would think of Barton. Of course Barton and I had to do things backwards- we didn’t mean to, but neither one of us really mentioned the other one of us to our families. So on Thanksgiving Day in 2003, when we called our families to tell them we were engaged, all of our parents asked, “To Who?”
I had just been through several years of trauma, from both the break up of an engagement to a so-called high-school sweetheart (thank God I didn’t get married then!) and my mother’s death. Needless to say, my father was a bit shocked.
The first time my father and Barton met was up in Washington DC at a martial arts training seminar. Barton wanted to do the respectable thing and asked him for our blessing, but my father didn’t know Barton, and so he told Barton he couldn’t support us, though he knew we would do what we wanted. We had a lot of catching up to do. I remember a conversation with my father and stepmother about trying to explain how Barton and I were planning on getting married. What’s funny is that both Barton and I have said if we ever have a daughter and she does that, her fiancé might face more than just a few questions.
My father was obviously concerned that I would become Barton’s caretaker, and it was at a cousin’s wedding that he was able to see us in a more intimate setting. Since then, we’ve shown how in taking steps and risks that we have, like moving to North Carolina, it has enabled us to be in the position we need to sustain and take care of our family.
Not only that, but last year I traveled down to Atlanta, dad and I had a wonderful discussion healing many of the past hurts, the effects of my mother and father’s divorce when I was three & the aftermath of switching houses nearly every day. My father was able to see how much my life has changed (for the better), and I was able to see his presence in my life.
Before my father left on this Sunday, Barton was asking questions about how dad set up his private psychology practice- scheduling, building the practice, best practice questions because Barton has found that he would like to be able to coach and mentor youth and their families in addition to his current work.
What a wonderful dialogue to have, and I realized there was quite a bit I didn’t know about how my father, how he set up his practice and work in his life that I wasn’t able to be open to or hear before. Not only that, but my father really acknowledged the work I was doing in addition to giving some advice to Barton as well. What an amazing gift this weekend!
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