Sunday afternoon, we returned from an impromptu lunch with friends and I found myself reflecting on the unexpectedly subtle ways our new found mobility and having access to my power chair while we’re out and about has shifted not only how people perceive us as a couple, but the ways in which it’s shifted how we function as a couple.
Of course, there are some obvious ways in which having our MV-1 has impacted the ease with which we journey into our community when we’re not on foot. Being in my power chair and having the ability to get in and out of the car on my own has certainly gone far in saving Megan’s back.
And there is a pronounced difference when the two of us show up to lead a seminar on independence and personal empowerment and I’m not having to rely on Megan to push me around. We’ve done it before, but yea, it kind of defeats the purpose if we’re not modeling the same principles that we’re teaching.
Certainly, those differences were ones we were fully expecting and delighted to embrace. And yet, we have also become aware over the past month of a much more subtle and profound shift in a personal dynamic.
From the start, things were different as we prepared to go out. There weren’t a hundred wheelchair pieces for Megan to put together getting in or out of the vehicle, or any other time for that matter. And I could carry our computer bags. Thus it was far easier for her to relax and enjoy herself.
Barton and Megan out and about.
When I’m moving at my best, I look for space and move into it, almost unconsciously. At the same time, if I’m in a position where there is no space, such a crowd of people or if I’m in a situation where I need to get somewhere, such as an exit, and there are no open avenues, I have no issue opening one, either by asking people to move or by more overt means. And then there are the times when creating space takes on the meaning of protecting Megan and others.
For years, Megan has protested about being put inadvertently in the driving seat in certain situations. In particular, I’ve seen this feeling come up while pushing me in the manual chair, in crowded environments where others tend to be less aware of what’s going on around them.
Indeed, I have joked that my sweet Sothern Belle just hates to trouble anyone to move out of our little ol’ ways. She feels like we are in the way and tries as best she can to find a pocket of space. At the same time, there have been moments where a certain tipping point is reached and my sweet Sothern Belle unleashes a lion and God forbid you stand in her way!
While I occasionally let my own lion roar, I typically do not feel the same level of anxiety, when in crowds, around having or finding space, so when we arrived at a crowded restaurant Sunday morning, I naturally took a lead that had been previously unavailable.
Upon entry, Megan and I scanned the room. I saw an open space and made a B-line. At that point it didn’t matter if Megan chose to come with me or stay in line to order, I had found a comfortable space for us to settle, and it automatically freed her to enjoy the moment.
As more space opened up around us, it was easier for us to take advantage of it because I could move into it first, without any effort on Megan’s part, and then she could follow in her own time.
While still very cohesive, our movement and interaction became far more fluid and adaptable to change, without losing any feeling of relaxation.