Before: The office doorframe, knocked out of place.
This weekend, we took the plunge- we had a no-hole fix-it repair weekend. We have always laughed about the holes and dents in the drywall from Barton’s wheelchair. Every one has a story behind them and trust me we keep count of who makes each dent and hole in the hallway- a source of constant chiding, but it was time to repair the damage.
What a whirlwind of an afternoon, and we were so grateful to have help, as I couldn’t have done these projects alone. From taking the doorframe off to the office, spackling dents and dings in the hallway and bedroom, installing a new smoke alarm, yard work, installing a new blind, painting little items here and there, tacking up installation that had fallen under the house, we crossed off a number of repair items that had been on the list for quite a while.
Afterwards, as Barton and I crashed on the sofa, we felt as though we had just had an Extreme Makeover Day, and we had. These were projects that were on the list, but so many other priorities have taken precedence. Especially as we have been shifting the focus of our vision and mission, moving into new areas of work and exploring new possibilities. Yet, going back to take care of these items is necessary, and part not only of home-ownership, but of preventing future damage and cost.
After: A smooth entryway.
So often, you hear the term work-life balance. How do you balance all of these aspects to our lives- work, family, home, volunteer/service, relaxation and rest? I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I love how poet David Whyte talks about these aspects of our lives in conversation with one or another. It’s not either or, but rather how they overlap and interweave throughout our lives.
What I loved about our no-hole repair day was not that it was just marking items off a list, but that it brought pieces of our community together. We met new neighbors and spent a lot of time getting to know them, we laughed with other neighbors about inside stories they knew, and we reconnected with a family we had not seen in a while. A little boy and girl helped me carry brush out to a pile we made in the yard teaching them about helping others, and there were extra pairs of hands accomplishing items we could not have done alone.
What can we accomplish with the help of others? I’ve been known to have an, “I can do…” attitude, which on one hand is important to be determined and persevere, but on the other leaves out the potential to succeed as a communal effort. Community is important, and I’ve found that there are different communities for different parts of my life.
This ties directly in with finding a support system or network, which can be found in a variety of places- neighborhood, spiritual or religious based, organizationally or interest-based. It’s easy to say, “I’m so alone. No one has been here, done this, experienced this…” Yet, in this day, we all have experienced the changes due to volatile economic times, we all in one time of our lives or another will experience a loss or tragedy, as well as the joy of success.
What do you need to accomplish with an extra-pair of hands? Gather some friends together, tell them what you need and see what the possibilities are. You may be amazed at what can happen.
I don’t know if you realize how, sharing this helps those of us who don’t know how to ask for help or to acknowledge our interdependence. Somehow I’ve been conditioned that I need to prove I don’t need anything from anyone… that I am totally self sufficient. But, this is such bullship. It turns out to be a more universal limitation that most don’t even recognize we have. This limitation of not acknowledging the need for help, nor knowing how to ask or receive it, is a denial of our human connection.
The limitation (of the illusion of self-sufficiency or independence) also prevents us from the realization that everything is temporal. Somehow the fact that many or most of us will be totally dependent on others at some point in our lives escapes our purview… something that will cause dread and affect how we navigate our lives.
All this is not even mentioning possibly the most important attribute that receiving help from a friend can be the epitome of relationship in that it allows the other to give their love in a meaningful way. E.g. considering giving and receiving, think of what we are left to think about in O’Henry’s The Gift of the Magi.