Barton and Megan in the gardens at Cambridge, UK.
We just travelled on a trip to Chicago where Barton attended a Coaches Training Institute seminar. Can you believe we were naïve enough to drive to Chicago- in one day! Neither one of us were prepared for the 16 hours on the road, or our discussion.
Long trips provide a great opportunity to brainstorm or problem-solve, and we always end up in some really interesting philosophical or spiritual discussion along the way. On our way up to Chicago, Barton came up with this great visual image- if you rely on your partner as your rock, sit on your rock instead of picking up a chisel and carving away.
What does this mean, you might ask? I admit that it is easy when I get frustrated about something, I can ask a million questions and end up picking at Barton instead of slowing down to listen or work on the actual core of the issue. What does this picking do? Of course it puts him off, feeling as though he is emasculated since nothing will stop my incessant chatter.
The chisel can lead to a piece breaking off, turning away, anger and disconnection. How many times do we chisel away at each other, the ones we love, pick until the other the other one leaves, just because we want ourselves to be heard?
This discussion of emasculation led an interesting path from acknowledging situations within my family (learned patterns), why men cheat on their wives, the emasculation of men and rape of women, to the polar opposites within archetypical roles (king, jester, lovers, etc).
What would happen if the chisel were laid to rest?
Last week, I had a moment of pure vulnerability. Instead of turning my emotion into anger or frustration (which is really ego), I laid it out, sat on the rock. This allowed the space for Barton to do what he needed to do to move us, dropping his attachments in the process. I felt him beneath me, completely, so I could fall and we could rise back together.
Shifting these types of patterns and learned cycles isn’t easy, and takes time and patience. In the end, it’s incredibly powerful to truly sit on your rock and allow yourself to be moved.
//
