Barton enjoys his favorite spot.
Until recently, I have always taken pride in my ability to push through whatever physical issues I may be going through personally in order to be there for others in whatever form they need me. In fact, in many ways, this has been a crucial element in my personal understanding of how I am to behave in this world, especially when I do require so much help to perform many of the basics. I’ve always felt the need to give more than I receive, even if this is to my detriment.
When my body has had moments of unusual freak out, it’s been easy for me to dismiss as simply a passing moment that I could live through without repercussions. Yet, I’m starting to finally realize that this perspective is an unrealistic ideal that leads to putting me in a position where I’m unable to help anyone. The perspective that I had been living with is based on the assumption that I don’t need anything for myself and that anything I do need, will automatically appear through my willingness to serve others.
I’m realizing that in order to do what I want for the benefit of others, I need to be able to take care of myself. This means addressing my own needs rather than ignoring them. This is a very difficult lesson for me, and as I have started exploring it over the past couple weeks, I find myself stumbling at every turn. Taking care of myself, as I’m discovering, is extremely complex and I have a feeling it will be a long process before I learn to do it well. At the same time, I finally recognize it as a valuable lesson and one that I need to learn, both for my own benefit as well as others.
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