Dancing at our Wedding Reception
Now, we won’t divulge all of our secrets over the Internet waves, but we will address intimacy, because there are still so many assumptions concerning those with disabilities and love/relationships. When I was working in the corporate world in Alabama, I would tell my friends or co-workers about Barton (at that time, no one had met him yet). I was unprepared for all of the questions about our intimate lives. While it might have been inappropriate for me to ask my co-workers about their private lives, I was hit with a barrage of questions and comments.
Well, how do you…you know? Can you…? So you’ll adopt children? My all time favorite, by a close mentor in fact, Well, does the plumbing work? Over and over I heard, You poor thing (the assumption I would never again have sex in my life).
There is an assumption that people with disabilities are asexual beings, so their partners and families must obviously be asexual as well. While it was so tempting to come up with snide retorts to these remarks, I realized that people weren’t trying to be rude, they just didn’t know. All of a sudden, Barton and I found ourselves in a position of opening people’s minds up to the possibility that yes, people with disabilities can create healthy intimate relationships.
Yesterday, I was riding in Barton’s lap down the street, all dressed up since we were headed to church. We noticed smiles from people driving by, who could see our obvious connection. Nearly everywhere we go, we continue to break down assumptions that people with disabilities can’t or shouldn’t have intimate relationships or families.
We almost fell into that trap, listening to the concerns that we shouldn’t get married. And we realized that while those who loved us may have had valid concerns about where we would live and how would we manage (there’s that manage word again), we had to follow our hearts, no matter what anyone said. If we had listened, we wouldn’t have found the love and connection that has sustained our marriage, through the tough times as well as the joyous ones.
So, you’ll have to wait until the book comes out to get all the juicy details, but yes, Barton and I are just like any other healthy couple in love. Just ask us…
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great post and always nice to see humor involved. years ago i read our bodies our selves and i can’t recall any other book that dealt with the issue better by education and compassion. great post!
When will the book you guys are writing be out?
Our book, Ink in the Wheels: Stories to Make Love Roll will be published in the spring of next year, 2010.
Thanks for the update guys! I am really excited to get my hands on the book because my fiance and I both have C.P. Her parents don’t want to let go and are fighting us. We always need encouragement etc.
I have to say that your blog is amazing, just for the simple fact of how normal life is with a disabilty. Myself, I have Cp and it is so refreshing to have people talk about the normal daily life stuff that we all do with or without a disabilty. I am looking forward to reading your book.