Today, I watch anxiously, checking every few minutes on Diana Nyad’s blog. She is hours from completing her extreme dream of swimming in the open ocean from Cuba to Key West. To get there, she made four previous attempts, was caught in life threatening lightning storms, stung by jellyfish, experienced physical pain and mental fatigue. And then there was the disappointment of defeat, and then, the kickass strength to get up and do it all over again. And again, and again.
Her first quote to reporters: “One is we should never ever give up. Two is you never are too old to chase your dreams. Three is it looks like a solitary sport, but it’s a team.”
As I celebrated my birthday, I reflected on what we have accomplished over the past year, fulfilled passions, unrealized dreams, and devastating defeats. What a phenomenal and thrilling year!
I still have my folder with the first few poems I wrote. The other notebook was given to me by a nurse during a trip to the ER (asthma), my first journal.
When I was eight years old, I wrote my first few poems, and I kept a pink folder with now yellowed paper decorated with scribbles and doodles. I was going to be a writer. But a writer was published (so I thought). Even though I held reams and reams of notebooks in my closet, I didn’t consider myself a writer until I had a published book in my hand. I did everything I could to keep the dream alive. I wrote under the covers at night, I hid my notebooks in lockers, and I wrote after midnight in the bottom floor of my college library. Words inked their way out of my skin and onto the page.
We celebrated the release of Ink in the Wheels: Stories to Make Love Roll. Photography credit: Anora McGaha
This year, that dream of a published book was realized, the first time of flipping through the pages was exhilarating. Barton opened our first sample copy. The moment of standing in his office, both of us jumping in the air will never leave my memory. We relished sharing our celebration with our families, friends, and community during the release event, which was a true party! My dear friend Anora McGaha took this picture, and while I might shy from the expression on my face, the elation and pure joy we felt is contagious.
And yet, there was an undeniable urge to do more. I kept telling Barton- it’s not out there. I haven’t done what I believe Ink in the Wheels can do yet. Even when friends called us or posting on Facebook how they couldn’t put the book down, how our words touched them in some way, I knew our work wasn’t done yet. And I am still saying, there’s more to do. It’s not out there yet, there’s more to do.
We experienced devastating defeats. For every defeat, there was an even more amazing blessing.
The perfect pair together.
While Barton was a semi-finalist for the NMEDA Mobility Awareness Contest, we didn’t win an accessible van. We will lose transportation in December. And yet, we created a movement of support who voted for us and believed in us, at times more than we believed in ourselves. We had a blast making funny pictures and videos that shared pieces of our lives with friends and colleagues. And we experienced the amazing support of family, friends and communities coming together. And we continue on, so close in our dream, with the extra push from our families that will hopefully send us over the edge. http://www.gofundme.com/3393f8
Lines on my bucket list were crossed off, inadvertently unsuccessful with the changing times. I dreamed of being on Oprah’s Bookclub, America’s Extreme Makeover Home Edition (couldn’t you just see Ty Pennington and Barton cracking themselves up), NPR’s The Story, all national based programs that have ended or are ending. (I haven’t given up on Ellen Degeneres) And yet, we attended The Abilities Expo, an Open Mic in NC that celebrated the full community of inclusion, and were interviewed on podcasts and local radio shows, the airwaves rippling out into the world, no matter how small or large the impact.
A dream of adoption, deferred for one more year, needing to concentrate on Ink in the Wheels and distracted by transportation. There are times when I think the process of adoption will be easier than figuring out the accessible van. And yet, we redefine who are families are, supporting our families how we are able, and continue to believe in the unattainable dream, together.
There are time when I am completely ungraceful. Losing the van contest, I fell into depression for a time, not believing in our dreams and not wanting to acknowledge what we have indeed accomplished. The frustration of being so close, but just not good enough. I was ready to give up, my childhood girl full of drama kicking in.
And then, I found I couldn’t. I’ve seen what impact we have had, and knowing there is more work to do, there wasn’t any way I could give up now. So I stood back up. We looked at what we could have done better and over a birthday dinner, celebrated how far we had come.
I don’t know what this next year will bring, how much further we can go. I don’t know if any bucket list dreams will be realized or will elude me further, but what I do know, from the bottom of my heart, the passion to do more is undeniable. And we will keep moving forward; we will keeping going.
And who knows what challenge, what joy, what experiences it will lead to.
Compelling story unfolding, it is inspirational and motivating. You guys are true to who you are and it shows, authenticity is worth more than just about anything life has to offer. You are blessed richly in love and that is GODs gift, it really is the best thing in life. I pray your dreams are fulfilled and that GOD the provider brings you the van as well as many other needs. Blessings.